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A Sad Time

65 Comments

Yesterday, I learned that a dear friend is dying. We also had a nasty little storm of snow and then rain, the new normal for central Maine.

These pictures perfectly capture my mood.

Having reached the age of sixty-two, I have lost many people and dogs I have loved. It doesn’t get any easier, and maybe it shouldn’t. After all, to be mourned is to be loved.

And how I will miss her when she’s gone.

65 thoughts on “A Sad Time”

  1. Such a heavy heart today. If you are able to go and visit today, definitely pass on all my love.

  2. My granddaughter offered an amazingly mature insight while sitting around a lunch table listening to us older folks (she’s 13). She said, “I just realized life doesn’t get any easier as you get older, you just get better at it.”
    Blessings to you, and stay warm. We’re unseasonably cold here in Texas!

  3. So sorry to hear about your friend Laurie. I’m five years behind you and have lost so many friends and four legged companions too. I hope you get a chance to see her, share some memories she can take with her on her next journey 💞💜💞 xxx

    1. It doesn’t get any easier with age, does it? Her family wants to be alone with her as she dies, which I completely understand. My thoughts and my love are with them.

      1. It sure doesn’t get any easier and I can understand her family’s wishes too. Our thoughts and love are with you, your friend and all her friends and family at this difficult time 💞💜💞 xxx

  5. Really sorry to hear that Laurie. I heard this week that a friend has just been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and am feeling sad too. I am beginning to accept that my friends are more likely to feature in the obituary column than marriages or births but it still hits me every time.

  9. As you know, at 77 I have lost a few. All I can say is that they are still in my heart – and sometimes sitting on my shoulder. 🙂 My heart goes out to you.

  10. Sorry to hear of your friend’s plight. It never gets easy, and I’m not sure which is worse losing someone quickly and not saying goodbye or having to watch them suffer. As I write that, I’m pretty sure watching them suffer is worse. I hope you have a lot of pleasant memories of your time together.

  11. So sorry about your friend. You are young to my way of thinking, but I don’t need to tell you there are more losses to come. When I think about my sister, I take a small consolation in the fact that her mind was working up to the end. Because, as my aunt used to say, it’s a shock how many friends leave us not because they die but because their mind is no longer what it was. Got to take consolation where you can find it.

  13. My sympathies Laurie: yes we are faced with much more tragedy it seems….but your young friend put it very well….perhaps we just get better at handling it……thoughts and love to you and especially your friend .

  17. Sad news, indeed. Loss is something I doubt we ever get used to. I was thinking that since the family wishes to be exclusive, that perhaps, in a cosy chair, you could ‘sit’ with her, perhaps with a lit candle, and quietly meditate on your love and relationship over the years. Since words are your forte, perhaps write something as well. It might help you feel a bit better? hugs ❤

    1. I must have been getting psychic, long-distance guidance from you because that is pretty much what I did yesterday. It really did help. Also made me grateful to have had her friendship for so many years. And to cherish the friends who are still here.

  18. I am so sorry to hear this, Laurie. It is so hard to lose the ones we love. May your friend have peace and ease in her passing and may you find comfort in your grief.

  19. I’m sorry about your friend. It’s such a heavy thing, grief, and dark. I was going to say you should remember she isn’t gone until she’s gone. Last Sunday my cousin, who is in hospice care and pretty much in bed most of the time celebrated her birthday with extended family and friends. It was good for her and her grandkids and sister and friends. That’s one way. I did have a friend whose family did what your friend’s is doing and shut people out. I respected it, but thought it was selfish. There are a lot of hours in the day for people to visit and I think it’s helpful. I hope you go to see her once anyway, or call. It’s hard when family closes ranks. But Eliza’s advice might be helpful, too.

    1. My friend has a large family—six children and many, many grandchildren—so I really did understand how they wanted only family. Also, I had lunch with my friend a few weeks ago, and we had a grand time talking. A lovely way to remember her.

  21. Just as there’s no one right way to grieve our losses, there’s no one right way to die. I hope that your friend’s way brings her peace, and that you can find some solace in this time, too. Every time I hear a story like this (and they are becoming more frequent) I remind myself that the time to visit is now, because none of us is guaranteed even tomorrow.

  24. I’m sorry too, Laurie. And I’m glad you had chance to lunch with her not long ago. I’m sure your friendship will have been a blessing in her life, just as hers to yours.

  25. In my 20y as a Pastor, I encountered death and dying repeatedly, in over 100 funerals. I learned a lot, about myself, and the different ways people cope with loss of loved ones. Families often bond in new and unexpected ways. Each unique family and their way of grieving has to respected. But some things are constant: loss brings grief, which may be covered over with relief after a slow departure, and nobody should be ashamed at that. But grief always has its way, even when long delayed.
    This I know: there is no better way to die than at home surrounded by the love of family. Pray for the farewells that need to be said, and for “those who sorrow now, for they shall be comforted.” And ask God in his grace to bless those who mourn with a deeper experience of his love.

    1. Such wise words. Many thanks! Yes, grief always has its way. Although painful, grief is exactly what should happen when someone you love dies. And my friend died exactly the way she wanted, at home surrounded by her family, who meant everything to her.

  26. I’m getting here late but still want to add my condolences. Others have left beautiful, supportive comments and all I can come up with is that I’m sorry for you and for her family, and for her.

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