Last night, at around 7:45, the body of Robert Card, the mass shooting suspect, was found by the Androscoggin River in Lisbon Falls, the town next to Lewiston, where the murders took place. According to the Portland Press Herald, “Maine Department of Public Safety Commissioner Michael Sauschuck… confirmed Card died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound.”
So it is over. But what a long three days it was as we waited. Each day seemed like a week. Winthrop, the town where I live, is close enough to Lewiston for the town police to have recommended a shelter-in-place. Town offices and functions were closed. We found out that a Winthrop High School student and his father had been killed at the bowling alley.
For three days we wondered, where was the suspect? Was he hiding in the woods? Had he left the state? Had he killed himself and was his body yet to be found?
The last question turned out to be the answer, and as soon as I heard the news last night, I felt a strange combination of relief and numbness.
Central Maine is small enough—Lewiston’s population is 37,000—so that most people had some connection to the mass shooting. As I mentioned in my last post, a woman I have known since she was a child narrowly missed being killed at the bowling alley. She was just about to go in when her boyfriend, who was inside, messaged her to stay outside, that there was an active shooter in the bowling alley. Fortunately, the boyfriend was neither killed nor injured.
And while I don’t know the Winthrop student who was killed, my children went to Winthrop High School, and I can only imagine how they would have felt if something like this had happened when they were students. We are grieving for the family.
Now it is time to heal and recover, and it won’t happen overnight. I am emotionally worn out and be will taking a week or so off from blogging to rest and reflect.
Thank you, thank you to the many blogging friends who sent words of comfort and sympathy in response to the last post where I wrote about the mass shooting. I was so touched by all the kind words. It really does make a difference.
Notes From the Hinterland 
I found out about the discovery of Mr. Card shortly after it happened, and felt such relief for you and everyone who was involved in the search for him. When I read about where he was found, near a recycling center where he’d once worked, I felt an unexpected sadness for him, as well, imagining that he’d returned to a familiar place to end it all. You’re right that healing will take time, but at least now it can begin.
I understand. Although my main sympathies are with the people who were shot and either killed or injured, I do have sympathy for both the shooter and his family. You put it so well.
I grew up down the street from a little boy who grew up and became a mass shooter later in life. He was a gentle child, someone who would pet bumblebees. That is how I remember him. What happens to people along the road of life that causes them to turn this way is difficult to understand. There are many, many factors involved.
A mass shooting like this brings so many emotions to the surface because it reminds us not only of these losses but all the ones before going back to Columbine and Sandy Hook. The toll is takes on the families, the communities, and the country is devastating. I wish we had learned something somewhere along the way to prevent future events like this, but I’m sad to say I don’t think we have. So, I will do what I can which is pray for all the families who have lost loved ones and the shooter’s family for the burden they have to carry.
Like everyone watching the news, I was overwhelmed with relief when the news of finding him was announced. I always expected him to be found dead; it seems to go with the territory. I’m afraid I have no sympathy for him whatsoever, terrorizing and killing people at will, with, I might add, a legal assault weapon. I do have sympathy for his family, and especially for the family and friends of the innocent victims. Thank God the reign of terror for Mainers in this region is now over. May the healing begin. It takes time. Take care, Laurie.
Dear Laurie — I thought of you when I heard the news, in all of its dreadful parts. Your posts (and lamentation) pierce my heart, and I grieve for everyone.
I get gooseflesh reading this.
What a relief, even though it’s all unspeakably sad still. It was awful to imagine you and others in your community sheltering on the edge of the woods while people on high alert were searching them. I know from the terrorist attack in Manchester, a similar distance away from me, how bone-chilling it is to see emergency services on the TV and realise they are somewhere you are so familiar with. All you can do now is hug your loved ones and try to heal. Sending more hugs your way.
I am so sorry! Rest and reflect. Blessings to you and your husband.
This was a true tragedy. What a world.
Hugs. It will take a very long time to even approach the state of healing. None of you will ever be the same. But you are a small, tight community and that will help. Lean on each other. Provide support for those most injured and lost. It’s so hard, it’s beyond hard. Sending you lots of positive energy.
A tragedy so close to home, yet the sadness is shared nationwide. You are not alone in your shock and sorrow. While we all move towards healing, let’s hope that somehow we can do something that will make this world a safer place.
Such a sense of relief. Sending love to you and your community.
Humanity is going through a dark time. I keep wondering what happened to the peace, love, understanding and flower power of the 60s.
Celebrating the good and noticing beauty wherever we find it is the only way I feel able to respond, and yes, there is also a numbness creeping in like a blanket of protection.
Take care dear Laurie. ❤
We will be with you both in spirit XX
I’m so happy for you all that it is over. Now, to heal …you and your family,all those effected: you’re all in my thoughts x
You must be so relieved.
I was relieved to read the news this morning. Now people can come out of their homes and seek comfort with each other. I weep over the folks who went out for a fun evening and didn’t come home, and for the trauma the survivors share. It must have been so scary for you wondering where in the woods he might be hiding.
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Thank you for the update.
Laurie, this is something nobody heals from quickly. My heart goes out to all the victimes, friends, family members, neighbors and everyone affected by this plague of guns. Take care of yourself, hugs, and you are in my thoughts.
Read about this. It’s worrisome. I share your grief. Prayers with you.
I’m glad the waiting is all over Laurie, you were unnervingly close to the town affected. You will certainly need some time off blogging for a while. As my mother used to say, sometimes it is just good to “gather your thoughts”.
That must be such a relief! I am so glad you are all OK. But it must have been so frightening to be so close and to know the man was still at large. There will be grieving to be done, not just by the families and friends of the victims but by everyone locally – for the loss of people they know, for the loss of the feeling of safety, for the things which couldn’t happen whilst you were sheltering. Normal life has been seriously disrupted and that will take time to process and recover from. Take care. Sending Big Hugs and holding you in my heart.
A big relief. Thanks so much for your kind words.
A huge relief. Now is the time for healing, and for reflection too I think. Take care, and be extra kind to yourself (and to your family and friends, of course).
I’m glad it’s over and understand the need to rest and recover. Sending hugs and love your way, Laurie.
I am relieved to hear you are safe Laurie and can begin the healing. This has been very sad for all concerned, as the shooter himself appeared to be a troubled man with mental health issues who didn’t receive the help he needed and, unfathomingly, was allowed to keep a set of lethal weapons, even though his mental state was known. Sending love and light to you and all the families affected and I sincerely hope no one will need to go through this again 💫💜💫 xxx
Whew, I’m glad it’s over, though I realize it’s going to take a long time to fully recover from the up-and-down emotions, Laurie. There’s so much sadness in our world today. My thoughts go out to those grieving loved ones and friends. Must be hard feeling so completely safe again, when tragedy like this strikes a small community. Take your time off, and allow yourself to heal — we’ll be right here.
Sending big hugs to everyone in your little house in the big woods, Laurie. Now it’s time for you guys to decompress and figure out how to move forward. Breathing a sigh of relief along with everyone else. I thought Lavinia’s words were especially poignant. xo
Hi, Laurie – I still have absolutely no words for tihs, and the way too many similar unspeakable tragedies. Take the time that you need for a break. Continuing to send warm thoughts your way. ❤
Hi Laurie – it is so good this is all over. Take the time to recover and reflect.
Sadly, the people who can do something about the availability of military-grade weapons make sure the very people “hunting” people can buy these murder weapons legally. Shame on these politicians. In the meantime, what is one to do, duck, cover, and hope to God that’s safety enough to survive? I’m glad for you and residents of the towns and area that had to shelter behind locked doors till that pathetic human being was found dead, that Card killed himself. You survived. Too bad he took out 18 more and injured more before he shot himself. It wasn’t necessary with appropriate solutions in place.
“Thoughts and prayers” don’t help but controlling access to military-grade weapons at one time did. Then Congress failed to renew the law, thanks to “2nd Amendment” legislators.
I come from Western Nebraska, with a hunting and gun culture similar to Maine’s. I am aware of conservation benefits for hunting and approve.
I don’t hunt or own weapons, yet I recently had lunch with high school classmates where one of them came with a holstered handgun! Nebraska IS an open carry state now, but the dining experience with this armed classmate was much less enjoyable than these monthly get togethers usually are: What if a shooter did come in and this classmate decided to be the “good guy with a gun”? It would draw the shooter’s attention to where we were seated, making us instant targets! “Duck and cover” wouldn’t have worked.
So much for my rant. The trauma of this worst shooting in Maine’s history, where murder is rare and never that sizeable in a year, won’t diminish easily or soon. I could contact my Congressman to let him know where I stand, yet I know where he stands! And where most of my fellow Nebraskans stand. It isn’t a happy place when friends can come to lunch armed!
I’m so sorry that you and your community and state went through this, Laurie. My family is a victim of gun violence and I know how terrifying and exhausting it is. Most of all – how senseless it all is. Take time to rest. My heart goes out you.
You’ve been in my heart and on my mind for days, Laurie. It’s all too much. I hope you can recapture some peace and solitude. I’m sending a bit of virtual love and light your way.
What an ordeal, Laurie. Rest and recover well. I am glad you are safe and now can breathe again.